COURT: Gosh, that was pretty.
JOHN: What if outside the operatic world it was commonplace to repeat everything you say over and again until your point gets across as they do in Opera? What if it were commonplace to repeat everything you say over and again until your point gets across as they do in Opera libretto? What if it were commonplace to repeat everything you say over and again until your point gets across as they do in an Opera libretto? 
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Summer Lovin'
Why'd we do this? Well, we're hoping to become a viable option for stations around the country, and the only way to do that is to increase the amount of content we offer. So we did. Because we're take-action kinda people. Next season, starting in September, we'll ramp up and do the same thing, so please come along for the ride with us. Until then, we'll be posting updates during the summer months so you can keep up with our fascinating lives. I, for one, am planning not to garden or camp. And I'm really looking forward to that. What are you doing with your summer? The Friendly Period.An open letter to the person in charge of new punctuation. I would also like to check up on the status of the interrobang (also known as the quesclamation point). You may not remember it, but it was the combination exclamation point, question mark invented by ad executive Martin Spekter to help us with such sentences as “WHAT did you just say to me?!” and “Lindsay Lohan’s suing WHO?! Over WHAT?!”
The fact that it was invented in 1962 and you’re still considering it doesn’t give me much hope for it, or for that matter, for the Irony Mark, or “snark,” – the backwards question mark that some are hoping can indicate sarcasm in our increasingly digital world. I think it sounds like a great idea. Whoever thought of it is a genius.
But onto my idea. Get ready for it: The Friendly Period (exclamation point!)
Sorry. What I meant was, the friendly period! Period.
Am I talking about an era of increased kindness? No. A new, more pleasant brand of menstruation? That will never happen.
I’m talking about a period that says, “That sentence, the one right before me, the period, is as affable as they come. That sentence, in fact, wants to buy you a beer.”
Here’s the problem: Increasingly, we’re using very cold, technological ways to communicate. No one wants to actually go through the long, drawn-out process saying hello and how are you on the phone, or, god forbid, having to see someone in person. There germs in every handshake, and people get bad haircuts that you have to lie about.
So emails and texts have become, for many, our primary means of communication. But reading something on a screen makes everything colder, so we try to warm up our communications with annoying emoticons, or, in my case, the gratuitous exclamation point.
In a study entitled “Gender and the use of exclamation points in computer mediated communication,” (for reals!) Carol Waseleski (exclamation point!) deciphered that woman use exclamation points far more often than men in e-communication. But it’s not because they’re more excited than men. Women use exclamation points online as indicators of a “friendly interaction.” We’ve been socialized to try to make people feel comfortable and to keep the peace. Hence sentences like, “Bill, I can’t wait to see the 4th quarter EMBO Report on the new 12-gauge ball bearings (exclamation point!)” She’s not excited to see that report. She’s letting Bill know that she’s not angry they’re late yet. When she’s angry, she’ll use a period.
I used to abhor exclamation points, largely because I am not a perky person.
I am a person who assumes a day is going to blow until the world convinces me otherwise in the first five minutes by handing me a 16-ounce skim half-caf mocha in bed, which never happens, so you do the math.
So you can imagine my increased usage of exclamation points has proved to be extremely disconcerting both for me and for those who are forced to endure my emails and texts.
A sample sentence from a recent email:
Yay(exclamation point!) Dinner at McFuddernutters sounds great(exclamation point!)
In this case, the exclamation points are preventive – because the person receiving the email knows that I can be a sarcastic bitch, periods would have made it read:
Yay. Dinner at McFuddernutters sounds great…I just hope their neverending salad bowl will fill the bottomless pit of despair I feel because I’m sitting in an establishment called McFuddernutters.
Now, what you might say is, “Hey, why don’t you stop being a sarcastic bitch, interrobang?” Good exclamated question. Answer: because I don’t want to, friendly period!
The friendly period would solve all these problems.
Picture this: a larger, slightly squished period that’s big enough to see that there’s a half-moon of a smile three quarters of the way down its jolly round body. It’s simple, it’s not nearly as annoying as those bright yellow happy faces, and it’s stylish. Because what’s more stylish than black and white? Nothing, stupid. (Friendly period!)
I implore you, punctuation person…don’t make us wait 48 years for the friendly period to take off (friendly period.) We need help now in getting rid of the scourge of gratuitous exclamation points, and I, for one, would have significantly less punctuation shame in my life.
Please get back to me at your earliest convenience (friendly period.) Our future depends on it (irony mark.)
Sincerely,
~Courtenay Hameister
Sarah Silverman drops by our comedy workshopLast Saturday, Live Wire held a comedy writing workshop with John Viener and Alec Sulkin from "Family Guy." It was a casual couple of hours, but still very informative, largely in terms of how it works in a writer's room on a sitcom, getting your spec script read, and whether you want to be Jokestein or Structureberg on the writing team ("Jokestein's fun to hang out with, but Structureberg has a nicer house.") And there was one special bonus to the day - a visit from Sulkin's girlfriend, Sarah Silverman. Alec and Sarah's relationship has recently come into the spotlight because of a rather personal story Sarah told on David Letterman. Alec responded to this story on Live Wire while Sarah sat quietly at the side of the stage. But Sarah jumped onstage for a portion of the workshop the next day, talking a bit about how her writers work. The two shows work very differently - Sarah has 5 writers who work out of her apartment in L.A., "The Family Guy" has 18. The funniest story Sarah told was about her dog, Duck. They filmed the pilot of the show in Sarah's apartment, and then when the show was picked up, the production company built an exact replica of the apartment on a soundstage. The first morning, Sarah left her apartment, put Duck in the car and they arrived at the soundstage. When they entered the set, Duck looked up at her, hugely confused. "How the hell did we get home again?" All in all, a very fun day.
Learn all the comedy secrets known to mankind from "Family Guy" writers Sulkin and Viener!Do you enjoy sketch writing? Are you working on a comic screenplay? Or do you just want to inject some more humor into your writing? Live Wire is sponsoring a comedy writing workshop with John Viener and Alec Sulkin of "Family Guy." Join us on Saturday, February 20th from 1-4 at Curious Comedy Theater to learn more about the three-act structure, to do a little writing, and analyze some gags. Sulkin is a supervising producer and writer for the show and has been nominated for three Emmys.Viener is an actor, writer and director but has only been nominated for ONE Emmy. Awkward! Workshop Details: Click here to register! Hope to see you there, funny people.
It's curtains for you!
JOHN: You're such a girl. COURT: Shut up. I really enjoyed it. And I learned something. Based on the boys' disguises, it turns out that in 1790, fake moustaches acted in much the same way as Superman's glasses. Moustache? "Hey! It's a foreigner or a clown." No moustache? "OMG, it's my boyfriend!" JOHN: This show made me question whether or not I am a triumph of masculinity. COURT: Right. That was one of the stand-out lines of the show. "Our moustaches are a triumph of masculinity. Plumes of love." Other notable moments: possibly the only time in opera history we've seen two women in the cowgirl and reverse cowgirl positions on their male leads onstage, the amazing moment when the stage broke apart to reveal the 2nd act set, and Ryan MacPherson's standout comic performance. I have much more to say, but I'm spent! More later. Parting message: see it. Goodnight, Portland!
Bloggers Night at the Opera
First impressions.COURTENAY: So here we are at opening night Portland Opera's Cosi Fan Tutte. It's my first opera, and I'm as giddy as a really, really fucking old schoolgirl. We just got back from the backstage tour, and speaking as a chick, it's going to be a GOOD night. We got a chance to see the GIANT SILVER BOX covered in a white tromp l'oeil pattern that the entire show will take place in. Even the floors are shiny metal, which I imagine will pose an issue for the women in the show, as they prance around in their stunning 50's dresses and pumps (yet another bonus.) "My eyes are up here, Pavarotti." John Breen, on the other hand, my co-blogger, apparently knows something about the arts.
JOHN: I'm bummed, can I use as infantile a term as bummed when refering to opera?, that the backstage tour didn't include a my own personal lap-sing with one of the lead sopranos. Oh, sorry, maybe you don't know as much about opera singing performance shows as I do. The soprano is the hottest singer. And the highest in pitch. Yeah, I pretty much know a lot about culture and art and the arts.
The set is stunning. But not as stunning as when Mz Hameister was in it. What, what! COURT: John is totes playing me. Interesting, because that fits into the theme of tonight's show, which is about....oh, crap. What's it about? JOHN: It's about two men professing the loyalty of their fiance's to their best buddy, who insists they're wrong, in that all women are fickle. He claims if they turned their back for one moment, their woman would easily fall for someone else. COURT: Hello pot? It's the kettle. You're black. JOHN: Wait - there's more. Their buddy Don Alonzo launches a plot to trick the women into being seduced by other men. The men switch partners... COURT: Like a 1790 key party? JOHN: Let me finish. Jesus. Women. And all hell breaks loose when one of them succeeds and the other doesn't.. COURT: Hello!! Spoiler Alert!! That's more of the story than I wanted to know. JOHN: Court, that lady totally just took some of your nuts from the blogger's table. COURT: Hey, lady! Those are BLOGGER NUTS!!! Thanks for distracting me from the spoilers. I've forgotten them now. JOHN: You're welcome. Hey - what the EFF? Over half of my pretzels are gone. Why do people think they can just walk by our blogger table, where us bloggers are blogging and grab our blogger snackies? Oh, the cultured. COURT: I've had just about enough of them. Good thing we won't have to sit three a three hour show with them. JOHN: No, three hours and twenty minutes. COURT: I can handle it. I once sat through a two-season "Rock of Love" Marathon. Ooooh! Speaking of love, the opera's about to start. We better go. JOHN: Cool. But before we go, I need to say that apparently, there's some kind of code that says you can wear any kind of hat to the opera that you want - including Zorro Hats, and Sherlock Holmes hats...but the kind from Banana Republic. COURT: Excellent information. We'll have more after the first act, people.
INTERMISSION!
COURT: Okay. You made your point. We have very little time here to update...let me just say that if you've never seen an opera before...COME TO THIS ONE. It's a farce, so think opera meets "Three's Company" meets a John Waters film. The set is stunning, the costumes are fabulous and it's actually funny. That Mozart was a freakin' HOOT. More later...our seats are waiting. I never should've peed. Live Wire Featured in WWeek's Give!Guide! Huzzah!We LOVE November! The candy hangover is still fresh, the city smells like newly wet asphalt mixed with rotting leaves, and the promise of overcooked turkey with strangers disguised as family is in the air. But better than all of that, it's when Willamette Week launches its annual holiday fundraising program, the Give!Guide. But really, please think about what Live Wire does for this great city: an hour of smart, quirky, funny, thought-provoking, participatory, and apparently sandwich-dropping comedy, music and conversation with some of the planet's most engaging human beings. Live Wire features the best of Portland on our stage, and brings those individuals and organizations to the rest of the world through our broadcasts and podcasts. "If you can make a farm subsidy documentarian
feel like a rock star, you're on to something. Dang me for not sending a check to Live Wire sooner! You guys rock." - King Corn director Curt Ellis
GIVE NOW THROUGH THE GIVE!GUIDE ...and Live Wire is including a few extras:
Your Give!Guide donation of $25, $50, $100, $250...or whatever amount works for you right now will make a HUGE difference for us in this upcoming year. If you listen, if you come to our live show, if you've brought friends,
if you've ever said to anyone, "Hey, have you heard of this 'Live Wire' show? It's kinda cool," we THANK YOU. And we hope you'll consider taking this next step in supporting us. Please find Live Wire under the "Arts" category and give whatever you can today! << DONATE TODAY!! >>
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K-U-F-Oh, holy crap.Not sure if you've heard, but local radio station KUFO recently let go of some of their more popular radio personalities, including Cort and Fatboy and Rick Emerson. What they've replaced these fun, smart, nerdy-in-the-best-possible-way guys with are some pretty awful d-baggy fellows from out of town. (Oh, and Marconi, who pulled this classy move a few years ago in Portland). Mike Russell of Culture Pulp fame wrote a great blog entry about the whole thing here. So we've written a little sketch about "local" corporate radio, and Rick Emerson has agreed to perform it, along with past 94.7 favorite (who was also fired this past summer, and partially replaced by a robot) Tara Dublin. Should be a hoot! Yes. We said "hoot." What of it? |
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