Sweets from Sally are about to get all up in your business. | Live Wire Radio

So, y'know how you watch shows like "The Donna Reed Show" and "Leave it to Beaver" and "The Brady Bunch" on TVLand, and you say, "Y'know what? Screw you, Hollywood! No one's mother is that perky or sweet or supportive, or always baking and smiling and wearing awesome get-ups."

Well, I beg to differ.  This is my mom, Sally.

Sally in October.

What? Why yes, that IS a sequined effing Jack-o-Lantern on her sweater. And YES, those are Jack-o-Lanterns hanging from her ears. So, suck it, Donna Reed. BEAT THAT.

This is what Mom wore on a shopping trip last year:

Shopping Sally

Did it bug me that my mom looked about 20 times cuter than me that day? OF COURSE NOT, WHY WOULD YOU EVEN ASK THAT?

But I digress. What I need to let you know is that if you've never tried my mom's baked goods, then you really haven't lived. And now's your chance. To live. And then die from ingesting too much butter.

"Sweets From Sally" will be up for auction at Live Wire's "Wave of Light" benefit at Rejuvenation, and if you don't bid on it, I'm sorry to have to use this language, but you're kind of a giant dumbhead. There. I said it. What are "Sweets From Sally, you ask? They're once-a-month deliveries of platters of baked deliciousness for SIX MONTHS. She emailed me a list of possible items, and they include the following:

Butter Pecan Rolls
Cherry Macaroons
Katherine Hepburn Brownies
Orange-Hazelnut Shortbread Cookies
Pistachio Bread
Kiss Cookies (the chocolate confection, not the band)
Raspberry-Cream Cheese Brownies
Chocolate Peanut Butter Balls
Texas Cake
Old-Fashioned Oatmeal/Chocolate Chip Cookies
Mini Frosted Cinnamon Crescent Rolls
And one Big-Ass Holiday Platter of Various Delectable Tidbits in December, delivered by a wee elven woman in a Christmas sweater (my mom).

There will be a platter of Raspberry Cream Cheese Brownies at the event that'll go to the highest bidder on the package. 

There will also be bloodshed.

You can get tickets and more information here.

(Oh, and thanks, Mom, for kicking Donna Reed's ass at every turn. I know how lucky I am.)