Episode 605
with Lindy West, Paul F. Tompkins, and Ural Thomas & The Pain
Bestselling writer Lindy West (Shrill) chats about her new podcast "Text Me Back," which unpacks friendship, the news, and text threads; comedian Paul F. Tompkins takes a stab at some other P.F.T. acronyms; and soul ensemble Ural Thomas & The Pain perform "No Distance." Plus, host Luke Burbank and announcer Elena Passarello share some texting habits that really irk our listeners.
Lindy West
Author
Author, critic, columnist, and screenwriter Lindy West has been writing jokes in the newspaper since 2005. West is a former contributing opinion writer for the New York Times and the author of Shit, Actually: The The Definitive, 100% Objective Guide to Modern Cinema, as well as the New York Times bestselling memoir Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman and the essay collection The Witches Are Coming. Her e-mail newsletter, Butt News, is the best and most important e-mail newsletter of all time. Her work has also appeared in This American Life, The Guardian, Cosmopolitan, GQ, Vulture, Jezebel, and others. She is the co-founder of the reproductive rights destigmatization campaign #ShoutYourAbortion. Lindy is also a writer and executive producer on Shrill, the Hulu comedy adapted from her memoir. She co-wrote and produced the independent feature film Thin Skin. Her one woman show titled Every Castle, Ranked where she takes her audience on a hilarious, bittersweet, razzle-dazzle journey through her fears, aspirations, disappointments, the history of toilets, and what it means to be a star. Her latest project is “Text Me Back", a podcast she hosts with her best friend that dives into pop culture, politics, and pretty much everything in between. Website • Instagram • Twitter.
Paul F. Tompkins
Comedian, actor, and writer
Paul F. Tompkins is nothing short of a comedic gem and podcast royalty. Alongside being an absolute Live Wire fan-favorite, PFT has appeared on over two hundred episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! and hosts the wildly popular shows The Neighborhood Listen and Spontaneanation, among others. He and his wife, the great actress Janie Haddad Tompkins, co-created the podcast Stay F. Homekins. Full of good ideas and gut-busting jokes, Tompkins’ is also a bit of a TV star! His TV credits include more than two dozen appearances on HBO’s Mr. Show, and he is the voice of Mr. Peanutbutter on the hit Netflix animated series Bojack Horseman. Website • Instagram • Twitter
Ural Thomas & The Pain
Musical band
Born in Meraux, Louisiana in 1939, and moving with his family to Portland, Oregon during World War II, Ural Thomas grew up to become Rose City’s Soul Brother Number One. His music slotted into countless sweet and seductive mixtapes between James Brown, Otis Redding, and Stevie Wonder (all of whom Thomas has performed with.) Straddling the line between hot soul shouter and velvety-smooth crooner, Thomas released a few singles in the late 60’s and early 70’s; most notably “Can You Dig It” and “Pain Is The Name of Your Game,” which featured backing vocals from soul luminaries Merry Clayton, Mary Wells and Brenda Holloway. Thomas has played over forty shows at the legendary Apollo Theater. Though Thomas is widely recognized as one of the most exciting singers remaining from the original soul era, and an active musical institution for over 60 years, his band, all decades younger, are treated as equals. The Pain are no backing band, but rather a well-oiled tightly-knit musical aggregation that’s spent the last eight years with Thomas developing a unique sound of its own. Their latest album Dancing Dimensions consists of new songs that lean more towards psychedelic soul music. Website • Instagram • Twitter
-
Luke Burbank: Hey, Elena.
Elena Passarello: Hey, Luke. How's it going?
Luke Burbank: It is going very well this week. Mostly because it's time to play a little station location identification examination. For a new station in the Live Wire galaxy this week. Are you ready?
Elena Passarello: Oh, yeah.
Luke Burbank: This is where I quiz Elena on, a place in the country or on the radio. She's got to figure out where I'm talking about. The public library in this place is home to, what it's described as the world's largest ceiling clock, which is like a five story Foucault pendulum. And, free is, it depicts the history of the horse in the bluegrass. And it was designed by a local artist named Adeline Wickman.
Elena Passarello: Well, horse in the bluegrass gives me a state without a doubt.
Luke Burbank: How about does Calumet Farm help you? This is the horse capital of the world. And, it's where Calumet Farm is. Where Citation and Secretariat were bred. The race horses.
Elena Passarello: Is it Lexington, Kentucky?
Luke Burbank: It is exactly Lexington, Kentucky, where we are now. So proud to be on the radio on WUKYN in Lexington, Kentucky.
Elena Passarello: That's great, I love Lexington, it's a beautiful town. How cool that we're on there now. Hey, guys.
Luke Burbank: Hey, what up everyone all right? Should we get to the show?
Elena Passarello: Let's do it.
Luke Burbank: All right, take it away.
Elena Passarello: From PRX, it's Live Wire. This week, author Lindy West.
Lindy West: I just feel like my life is chaos, and maybe the source of the chaos is that I'm constantly carrying ice trays to and from the refrigerator.
Elena Passarello: And comedian Paul F. Tompkins.
Paul F. Tompkins: I don't want the government telling my kids how to break their wrists.
Elena Passarello: With music from Ural Thomas and The Pain and our fabulous house band. I'm your announcer, Elena Passarello, and now the host of Live Wire, Luke Burbank.
Luke Burbank: Hey, thank you so much, Elena Passarello. Thanks to everyone tuning in from all over the country, including Lexington, Kentucky. We have a really fun show scheduled for you this week. Of course, we've asked the Live Wire listeners a question because we're talking to Lindy West about her podcast, Text Me Back. We asked our listeners: what is something that gives you your texting ick? We're getting to hear the responses to that question coming up in just a little bit. First, though, of course, we got to kick things off with the best news we heard all week this week. Is there a little reminder at the top of the show? There is some good news happening out there in the world. Elena, what is the best news that you heard all week?
Elena Passarello: Okay, this news immediately made me think of you because it is about the Guinness Book of World Records.
Luke Burbank: An obsession of mine from childhood really through now.
Elena Passarello: It was like your favorite book when you were growing up, right?
Luke Burbank: Oh, yeah. I carried around a tattered copy. I mean, I really did. I was so into it.
Elena Passarello: Well, that tattered copy will need to be altered, Mr. Burbank, because the city of Saint Louis has set a new Guinness record. And in fact, Saint Louis has snatched a title from a previous record holder, the city of Naperville, Illinois, which held this title for a full 12 years. This is the type of record that requires a bunch of participants. Naperville managed to get together 270 record setters back when they made the Guinness Book back in 2012. But Saint Louis just blew them out of the water when they, attracted a whopping 355 people. The city of Saint Louis is now the record holder for most people wearing underwear on their head at the same time, in the same place.
Luke Burbank: I feel like that record should be preceded by most people to wash their underwear at the same time.
Elena Passarello: Yes. And you know, in the photos, these are all the same kind of underwear. They're these kind of whitey tights. So the photo is great. Of these 355 people, there's kids, there's teens, there's adults, and they all are just wearing the same cap of glory. So I guess you could say hats off to Saint Louis. But I guess you'd say.
Luke Burbank: You can say briefs on.
Elena Passarello: Briefs on.
Luke Burbank: I don't know if this has got any kind of Guinness record, but it was notable to me. The best news that I saw this week that's actually happened a little while ago, but I just found out about it. Okay. And it involves a couple of guys, Jose Garcia and his uncle Bartolo Garcia, who were driving from Minnesota out to Merced, California. And what they were bringing with them were a bunch of goats, actually, 50 goats, to be, specific, that Jose had purchased to bring back to him are said to be part of his goat farm that he had there. And as they were getting close to the end of their long journey, they were passing through Utah. And it just so happened they were going through a real high elevation part where there was a kind of out of the blue snowstorm, and all of a sudden traffic just basically stopped. And they've got these 50 goats in the trailer. Now, the thing about goats is these are milking goats. They need to be milked like every 12 hours or they will be really uncomfortable. They could develop infections like it's, you know, it's a thing you got to do is keep these goats, regularly milked. Well, it's just Jose and Bartolo, and they're sitting in, like, that kind of traffic where everyone just stops and gets out of their car and starts putting chains on them. I mean, it was like not moving. And they're starting to kind of freak out a little bit because the goats are getting uncomfortable. So, eventually traffic starts moving a little bit and they are like looking on their phone or whatever, and see that they're coming up on a place called Stansbury Park, Utah, where there is a Tractor Supply Company store, but it is about to close and they like, pull up in the parking lot of this tractor supply store in Utah, right as Lisa Fernandez is like closing it. And they're like, hey, have you ever milked a goat? Which I'm just I'm going to mention probably not the greatest opening line, generally speaking, when meeting new people. But, Lisa says no, I actually haven't. And they go, would you be willing to learn? And Lisa said, yeah, okay. Sure. I'll give it a try. And then they had a follow up question, which is, do you know anyone else in town who would be willing to come learn how to milk a goat? And she said, well, let me see. So she reaches out to a couple of people who reach out to some other folks who then put it on the Facebook page of the town.
Elena Passarello: Oh my God.
Luke Burbank: Basically goat Milkers needed to meet us at the Tractor Supply store and they got like 40 people down there.
Elena Passarello: Wow.
Luke Burbank: Who all just got like on site training on how to milk goats, which is there's a sort of a, you know, there's a nuance to it, but there really is, you know, obviously a specific kind of technique. You want to grab the top of the other with your index finger and thumb, but you want to make sure you don't yank. There's like, you know, this is kind of a little bit of a trick to it. They also didn't have enough buckets. They got all the buckets out of the tractor supply store. So people started bringing super sized soft drink cups.
Elena Passarello: Oh no. Oh.
Luke Burbank: And it took until like 1115 that night. But they got all 50 goats milked. And so. The Garcias are very, very thankful to the folks in this town. Now all these people know how to milk goats. Going forward. In fact, Lisa Fernandez says she can now check goat milk off her bucket list.
Elena Passarello: I mean, who doesn't have that on their bucket list?
Luke Burbank: It's like right near the top for me. Right behind. Go to Saint Louis and put some fruit of the loom on my head and set a record. So anyway, people taking care of each other out there in Stansbury Park, Utah. The best news that I heard about all week. You. All right, let's welcome our first guest on Over Now. She needs no introduction. But when I tried to tell the Live Wire producers that they accused me of being lazy and not wanting to write an introduction, so. Fine. Here goes. It's just a pretty long list. She's a former contributing opinion writer for the New York Times. She's the author of several books, including the best selling memoir Shrill Notes from a Loud Woman, which she also helped turn into the Hulu show by the same name. And most recently, she has started a new podcast with her best friend Megan Hatcher Mays. It's called Text Me Back, and basically Megan and Lindy get together and kind of laugh and sometimes cry about whatever it is that's going on in this world that we all live in. Lindy West joined us on stage at the Patricia Research Center for the Arts in Beaverton, Oregon. Take a listen. Hiya, Lindy.
Lindy West: Hello. Hello.
Luke Burbank: Welcome back to the show.
Lindy West: Thank you so much.
Luke Burbank: You have launched a new podcast along with, KUOW in Seattle. It's you and your actual high school best friend, Megan Hatcher Mays. It's called text Me back. What was the concept for the show when you decided you want to do it?
Lindy West: The concept was that we want to talk to each other all the time. She lives in Washington, D.C., which is rude. Rude? And, we're just really funny and talented and, I mean, in all honesty, like, I've just always thought that Megan was a huge star. And instead of becoming a comedian, she became a lawyer and, like, went and worked for Congress. And I was always like, just be a clown like me, like. So then I finally reeled her in and I forced her into my clown business. And, and, you know, launching a podcast in 2023 is, we're a little behind.
Luke Burbank: Well, if you if you listen, if you listen carefully, you can hear a podcast being launched right now. And another one and another one. Yeah.
Lindy West: Yeah. Our timing is incredible. And it's so good. I feel like I feel like.
Luke Burbank: A lot of people because there are so many podcasts now. A lot of people think, well, I could do a podcast or I should do a podcast, and not all who can podcast should put that on my tombstone, by the way. But you and Megan are so unbelievably funny together and just like it feels like you're riding along with two. If you're if you were overhearing a conversation between two really funny, smart people, like it's great.
Lindy West: Thank you. What I wanted it to be was people's comfort. Listen. And originally, when we were pitching it, through my real podcast agent.
Luke Burbank: You have a podcast agent, I.
Lindy West: Have a TV agent, and my agency has a podcast department. So they were like, okay, just do this. And then. But then they gave us all this advice like, make sure it has a news hook. And so we pitched this whole thing that was like, we're digesting the news. And then Megan's going to explain something about Congress. And, and I feel like probably the people we were pitching to could feel us like dying of boredom as we were trying to sell it. And then, I just have friends at KUOW, the NPR affiliate in Seattle, and, one of them went to high school with me and Megan, and she just one day was like. You and Megan should have a podcast. And I was like, is older, I know. And then she was like, well, you can do it here. And then we did. And then we tried to do our old format with Megan explains Congress ask a swamp person, we called it. And.
Luke Burbank: That's a pretty good name for that.
Lindy West: I know we're going to we're going to bring it back at some point. But and then the bosses were like, you know, what we like the best was that ten minutes at the beginning when you just talked about your dogs and we were like, great, amazing. That's all we want to do. We don't want to do anything that matters.
Luke Burbank: Well, I will say, though, that because you're both very smart and engaged with the world, while you're having fun and talking, you do naturally arrive at things that are important.
Lindy West: Thank you.
Luke Burbank: Like the tweets of Chuck Grassley, Republican senator for a senator from Iowa who is, and you to share this. Both of you are very down on the History Channel for not showing more shows that are actually about history. You know.
Luke Burbank: I don't get it. No, I don't get it.
Lindy West: I am interested in history. I also have a brain like a cheese. So I retain nothing. And I would love to consume constant history information and let it drain out and then keep consuming it. And instead, when I turn on the History Channel, it's just, oh, all these cable stations are just like monocultures now, where it's like the forensic file station, which I have no complaints about. There's no notes, no notes on that. But like, the History Channel is just the ancient alien stations which I have no interest in.
Luke Burbank: Right. Very, very loose interpretation of history.
Lindy West: And then the Discovery Channel is like finding Sasquatch during the day, and then at night, it's finding a ghost. And I like Chuck Grassley.
Luke Burbank: Who, by the way, this crowd was a little, I think, confused when I said those words in that order. This, let's be honest, fairly old.
Lindy West: 90 years old, 90.
Luke Burbank: Year old Republican senator from Iowa is common, is regularly tweeting about a dissappointed. He is in the history channel.
Elena Passarello: For not.
Luke Burbank: Showing more things that are the twin his idea of history.
Lindy West: The tweets are incredible. Yeah, because they're also they're tweeted by a 90 year old man. Not to be just sorry I'm regretting going down this road, but whatever. It's like the tweets are like, why no history on History Channel? Ideas for History Channel tonight one. Real history two America history three. Constitution history four Iowa history. Like it's so amazing and like this is an evil man who I hate and I don't agree with him on anything, but I do agree with him on one thing actually, which is this. Right?
Luke Burbank: This is Live Wire from PRX. We're talking to Lindy West this week at the Patricia Research Center for the Arts here in Beaverton, Oregon. We've got to take a quick break, but don't go anywhere. We will be right back. Welcome back to Live Wire. I am your host, Luke Burbank, here with Elaina Passarello. We are listening to a conversation we recorded with the author and comedian Lindy West, talking about her podcast Text Me Back, which she co-hosts with her real life best friend from high school, Megan Hatcher Hays. Let's get back to that conversation now. We recorded this live at the Patricia Research Center for the Arts in Beaverton, Oregon. That's something that you and Megan brought up. I don't know if it's a formal segment or just a thing that you describe to each other, but this idea of this will fix you, girl. [Lindy West: Oh, yeah.] Can you expand on that notion?
Lindy West: It's it's a recurring segment. Well, we've only we just started the podcast beginning of the month, so it has not yet recurred, but it's got a recurring. Okay. It's called I Can Fix Her. And it's about when you look in the mirror and you think about a product you want to buy, and you are sure are sure that it will fix her meaning yourself. And so, because that's how capitalism works, is it tells you what's wrong with you, and then it offers you a solution that costs $75, which is a small ice maker that you can keep on your kitchen counter and then scoop out shovels of ice for your drinks, which is what I want.
Luke Burbank: I know, why do you think that will fix you? Why you you mention on the show you think it will help you with your skincare routine?
Lindy West: I just feel like my life is chaos, and maybe the source of the chaos is that I'm constantly carrying ice trays to and from the refrigerator. And who knows, if I had that time back and I just had a little countertop ice machine with a little scoop, and then I would be hydrated, I would do my nighttime skincare routine because of all the time that I saved. And also like, I just feel like it would bulk up my class level, you know what I mean? I would have like a big water. I'd be.
Luke Burbank: Hydrated. I need to just mention though that I purchased one of these. It's PGE Opal and it did not fix me girl I was still me except now with a very loud unit Tasker appliance that took up a significant portion of the countertop in my apartment, and it also broke after like six months and it was like $600.
Lindy West: What? Doesn't sound right? That doesn't sound right. I it's the problem is you it'll fix me.
Luke Burbank: There are only like about three places that I know of where you can get good ice. One is Sonic. The drive in. One is taco time, not Oregon Taco time. My friends, you got to go north to Washington and then the hospital. But.
Paul F. Tompkins: Which is a real commitment to get that good ice.
Lindy West: So true. Bad. But. I mean, this is my thinking. You know, I don't really like, drink or party or do anything cool or fun anymore, but when I was in my 20s, like, the best part of drinking is the day after. When you go to 7-Eleven, you get a fountain sprite, you get a Big Gulp. Yeah. And like, that's the me I want to be, you know, like, I don't want the hangover, but I want the ice. Ice blue, you know? Sure. The ice won't fix me.
Luke Burbank: I would say give it a shot, because also, I got one of the very early ones they were making. And I think, like any technology, it's probably improved. Yeah, but if anybody at GE hears this, you're on my list. What I'm trying to say I did not realize this until pretty recently, but you and your husband, the musician and actor. Ahem. You shot an entire film.
Lindy West: We did.
Luke Burbank: Called Thin Skin, and it's now available on Blu ray and also streaming. Where do people find it?
Lindy West: I mean, unfortunately, we would love for you to find it at Amazon.com. At Amazon.com, my favorite company that I love that has done great things for my town, Seattle, Washington.
Luke Burbank: They can no longer afford to live in York.
Lindy West: But I guess my former town, out of which I have been chased by the minions of Bezos and their millions of dollars. No. But you can please watch it on Amazon. Please watch it on Amazon. We shot it in 2018. We started writing it in 2013. The script, I mean, it's a fully, truly indie movie. We raised all the money, we made all the choices, and it's really good and it's really sweet and special.
Luke Burbank: And it's it's it's my sense of it is. It's somewhat autobiographical to a Hamm's life. Yes. As a musician and as a person who had a complex relationship with his father, who is Nigerian, etc..
Lindy West: Yes, it is. It's pretty much, you know, fully autobiographical, it's fictionalized, but all the stuff that happens is real. So, and a lot of stuff happens. So it's like a home is a single dad in his early 20s. He is working at a dumb job, and he's trying to make it as a musician. He's never met his dad. And then his dad calls one day and he's like, dad, I'm a musician. And his dad's like, that's disappointing. And, and then he gets a, gets a disease where all of his skin falls off. Okay, so that and all that also really happened. Wow.
Luke Burbank: Was it stressful.
Lindy West: To your skin?
Luke Burbank: Well, that. Well, I'll ask him about that sometime. I feel like that's his story to tell.
Lindy West: Well, it's in the movie. If you want to know more about Thin skin.
Paul F. Tompkins: Yes.
Lindy West: I interrupted you. I'm so.
Luke Burbank: Sorry. No, please. I'm just curious, because you also were one of the creators of the spectacular Hulu show shrill, which is just like. I've also actually been to the house where your mom, or at least the character's mom, Julia Sweeney, allegedly lives in the show. It was for sale. I sent you a text from.
Paul F. Tompkins: I was like, I'm in your mom's house.
Luke Burbank: But that was a big production with presumably Hulu's money and this cruise and catering and all this. And then you and, ahem, and Charles Moody, the great Charles Moody are making this production from money that you've raised and presumably some of your own resources in fight. It's like, was it crazy stressful? Just that aspect of it.
Lindy West: Yes, I was an investor. It it's such an interesting question because it was actually right on the heels of season one of shrill. So I, we finished shooting season one of Shrill in Portland. I, you know, in mid-September. And then we started the thin skinned shoot, I think, in mid-October. So I was home for a couple weeks, and then we were jumping into this other production, which is such a different animal and, you know, on the shrill set, despite being the creator of the show, the person the show is about ostensibly, you know, the executive producer, I was like, little mouse in my corner. Like, I was like, people don't look at me like I was. So that was really scary because this is this multimillion dollar production, and I and I had never made television before, and I was terrified. And, then I get to set on thin skin, and then I am like a god because we made it and we're in charge. And it is our job to make sure that we use the money. Right. And so it was like the exact opposite, and it was liberating and it was scary. Yeah, I think I probably should have been more scared, but in fact, I was like, mad with power. I was exhilarated, and it was like, so vindicating after being. That's kind of a small fish, right?
Luke Burbank: We're talking to Lindy West here on Live Wire this week. We're at the Patricia Research Center for the Arts here in Beaverton, Oregon. You also have a Substack that I just subscribe to that you just put out a new just. Today host today and it's called but news. But news now, I have to tell you, and I hope that you take this in the spirit it's intended. I couldn't remember the name of it, and I was googling Lindy West, but stuff last night, and it's a totally different part of the internet.
Lindy West: I really doing a number, but.
Luke Burbank: It's called butt news, and it actually is. I mean, you're just like one of my very favorite writers. You're so insightful and funny and, it's more, castles on there than I expected. As far as, like, your obsession with castles, I know you were touring a kind of a show about ranking the best castles. And you talk about, like, Megan will ask you on your podcast, like, if you've seen this particular show about castles and you're like, yeah. Momma didn't raise no fool. Like, what is with you in castles?
Lindy West: Well, you have to come see my stage show, Luke. Okay, well, it's not it's not playing anywhere. But.
Luke Burbank: It does seem like a minor issue with me coming to see it, but. Okay.
Lindy West: I wrote a one woman show called Every Castle Ranked because I'm like a fantasy girl. Like, I grew up, like, reading, you know, just the darkest crap you ever heard of. And I still, that's what I want. And I was like, I'm going to make this show about castles. And it's really about sort of my dad, my relationship with, my own, like showbusiness dreams and this tension between, like, I want to be famous and I want to be invisible. Like, I'm very shy and I'm very, Clowney and my grandparents were like, radio stars, and my dad was a musician and a very, like, beloved Seattle musician. And so, the show is about what you think you want when you're a little kid. I think, you know, and you want this sort of magical life. And then, you are just who you are, and then you have to figure out how to navigate that. So. But but news. Yeah.
Luke Burbank: Not but stuff. No Beaverton. No. Not but stuff.
Lindy West: I, I, you know I started but news before Substack was really popping off and, I didn't really think I would ever use it or anyone would ever read it. And then I, a bunch of people subscribed and you can't change the name. So now I it's called But news and I named it that as a joke. And now it's my main outlet.
Luke Burbank: It's so my right to it is so good.
Lindy West: I honestly really love it.
Luke Burbank: We're talking to Lindy West here on Live Wire this week. Okay, Lindy, as we were talking, a previously, you and conservative Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley are in lockstep on every issue. Correct. But primarily the fact that the History Channel, is mostly stuff. Now, that is not really history unless you count ancient aliens. So given your, intense knowledge on the topic, we wanted to give you a little quiz about the channel. It's a game that we're calling history or heresy. Oh.
Lindy West: So good.
Luke Burbank: Here's how this is going to work. I am going to describe a show for you. It is either something that has actually aired at some point on the History Channel, or it is something that we made up great. And we would like you to try to decipher which is which.
Lindy West: Okay, great. I'm ready.
Luke Burbank: A show called Mega Movers. It is a show about moving giant superstructures across the country. Is that History Channel or Heresy.
Lindy West: History.
Luke Burbank: Channel? That is absolutely the History Channel. You are right.
Lindy West: I tell you, I'm checking the guide all the time. Waiting. Waiting for Ken Burns horse I want this is what I want. That's what I decided I want.
Elena Passarello: I would watch that right horse. Right.
Luke Burbank: Yeah. Now, there was a review of Mega Movers on the website ScreenRant and they wrote, it turns out it's not that interesting to watch a giant house move slowly across the country. All right. How about. How about Ice walkers? A show about the perilous world of competitive ice walking?
Lindy West: Sounds like History Channel.
Luke Burbank: That is heresy, my friend. Oh, they do have Ice Road truckers. Of course. That's a that's a big one. Is that History Channel? Is that a different one? What's the channel where everyone's panning for gold all the time?
Lindy West: It's like there's. So there's, like, I.
Luke Burbank: Get sucked into that one.
Lindy West: I know that's pretty fun when they. When they go panning for gold.
Luke Burbank: Legally. Can you do.
Lindy West: That? Do you need a special permit? You just need a pan. Right?
Paul F. Tompkins: It's very sad. It's very satisfying.
Luke Burbank: When they pour out this little tiny amount of the gold. And then that's like, that's $80,000. And they're like.
Lindy West: That could be us, Luke.
Paul F. Tompkins: Okay.
Luke Burbank: That could be us. But you playing? How about Duck Racers? A show about the competitive world of duck racing, follows four families as they raise and race their ducks and put their pride on the line.
Lindy West: That sounds too good. That's got to be.
Paul F. Tompkins: Harrison is.
Lindy West: There? I don't watch that for sure.
Paul F. Tompkins: Oh, yeah.
Luke Burbank: How about it's how you get there? A show where three people discover different modes of transportation as they journey across the country.
Paul F. Tompkins: What?
Lindy West: That's boring. History channel it is.
Paul F. Tompkins: Yeah, that's very real.
Lindy West: And this is my new metric. Yeah.
Luke Burbank: They use trucks, cars, motorcycles.
Lindy West: Yeah, with no ATV.
Paul F. Tompkins: Hold on. I'm not done. Listing modes of transportation. Jet skis.
Luke Burbank: Also air travel. That seems like you're phoning it in. Yeah. How I got here, Delta.
Lindy West: Yeah, I got it. Do air balloon dog. Sled horse. Then I'll watch it.
Luke Burbank: Right. How about, like.
Lindy West: How we don't get there? Because it's not very practical. That's the kind of thing I watch, right? Yes.
Luke Burbank: How about dirty old cars? A show about finding very dirty old cars and cleaning them.
Lindy West: I would watch it. So if I'm gonna trust my metric, I'm going to say that's heresy.
Luke Burbank: That is very real, my friend.
Paul F. Tompkins: That is on the History Channel. Real.
Luke Burbank: It follows the owners of three different detailing shops, one in Mankato, Minnesota, one in Morganton, North Carolina, and one in Marietta, Georgia. And they hunt down dirty and often unrecognizable four wheeled vehicles and then wash them.
Lindy West: And I am with you. I would watch.
Luke Burbank: I would watch the shit out of that. Do you?
Lindy West: It's like, do you follow the Instagram that where they clean rugs?
Luke Burbank: Oh, yes. Oh, Beaverton.
Paul F. Tompkins: Anyone seen this?
Luke Burbank: Anyone seen this? Rug cleaning videos? Exact.
Lindy West: Oh, I mean, that's up my alley. Although, do you think that they dirty the rugs artificially?
Elena Passarello: I think they've started to.
Lindy West: I think they have to. I think they've been corrupted.
Luke Burbank: Nothing. Gold can stay. No, it was like a person was just doing this thing. And then they got a lot of clicks, and now they're they're, you know, they're prime in the pump. You know, the one that I'm really on right now and I've been on for a while is people mostly over in the UK fixing hooves on cats.
Lindy West: I.
Luke Burbank: Love them. It's it's amazing.
Lindy West: It's amazing. I never knew I mean we could talk about this afterwards. I can talk for hours about the cow guy because they shave it down. Liquid pours.
Luke Burbank: Out. It's because it's just a cow.
Lindy West: Apparently he can just have a big rotten hole inside of its foot. And then this angel man comes, shaves the hoof down.
Paul F. Tompkins: The releases the pressure.
Lindy West: Release the cow is like, oh yes. And then he glues up like a fake hoof.
Luke Burbank: He puts, here's what he does. He. I've lost so many hours of my life to this content that that what the little thing they glue on is so that when the cow steps, they don't put any pressure on the owie. Yeah. So the other side is elevated. And when and then they spray, like an antibacterial on it, and then they wrap it up with like a ace bandage. And then when that cow walks out of the crash, which is what it's called, and the cow is moving normally, it's the only thing giving me any happiness in this world. It's incredible. I feel like that is me going to therapy.
Lindy West: Like.
Luke Burbank: It is. It is very uncomfortable for a brief amount of time, but the overall relief is, is is really worth it. Yeah, right. Wow. Well, I think we know our next podcast. Lindy. That is how you play history or heresy, everyone. Lindy West, one more time. That was Lindy West right here on Live Wire. Make sure you check out her podcast. Text me back wherever you get that sort of stuff. You are tuned in to live wire from here. And of course, each week we like to ask our listeners a question. And because we've been talking about Lindy's podcast. Text me back. We asked our listeners, what is your texting like? What is something that somebody can do when texting you that kind of gives you like a not great feeling? Elaina, you have been collecting up those responses. What are you seeing?
Elena Passarello: Okay, how about this one from Nicole? Nicole's texting is red exclamation marks. My ex's mother used to text using them all the time, and it felt rude or just impatient or like everything was a constant emergency.
Luke Burbank: I'm one of those people. That overuse is the exclamation point as a way of indicating to people that I'm not mad about stuff.
Elena Passarello: Yes, because if you get a text that ends in a period, you're like, oh, oh.
Luke Burbank: Day ruined. Pretty much. What's something else that give someone a texting like?
Elena Passarello: How about this one from Linda? The ellipsis dot dot dot that my mom does in between sentences always makes her texts seem more dramatic than they are. And sometimes I have to call her to make sure she's okay.
Paul F. Tompkins: But.
Luke Burbank: Like, she's gathering her thoughts.
Elena Passarello: Yeah, especially because the dot dot dot appears when you see someone composing the message. And that's already anxiety producing. So.
Luke Burbank: All right. Another, texting hack that one of our listeners gets.
Elena Passarello: This one from Jason is Towers of text longer than my iPhone screen. And this is an interesting one, because someone else wrote in saying they hated it when people broke a long message up into separate texts so that they would kind of, you would have little breathers. So it is a real minefield, depending on who you're texting. Like you could be a king or not, it King or.
Luke Burbank: I also have now started using voice to text, but it's not the time saver I thought it would be.
Elena Passarello: Especially if the if it doesn't understand your voice. Like a lot of people just don't have a voice that registers. And so you're right. Thanks, Mom and dad. And it'll come up. This man is dead or something.
Luke Burbank: If you if you saw me walking down the street doing this Atlanta, you would think that I've lost my mind because it's me going, hey Alaina comma, it's Luke period. So that was pretty crazy. Exclamation point. You know, like I'm narrating all the punctuation to it. Just it's the whole thing is fairly unhinged, but it's the world we live in, right? So thank you to everyone who said in your response, we have another listener question for next week's show, which we will reveal in just a bit. First, though, we have to say hi to our next guest, who has appeared on over 200 episodes of the podcast Comedy Bang! Bang! His TV credits include HBO, Mr. Show as well as BoJack Horseman, where he is the voice of Mr. Peanut Butter. But perhaps his most impressive achievement of all time is that he is marking his fifth appearance on the live wire radio program which is some kind of record, probably. This is Paul F Tompkins, who joined us on stage at the Alberta Rose Theater in Portland, Oregon. Paul, as we have talked about with you on previous appearances here on live, where your full name, you're given name is Paul Francis Tompkins. Folks that know you well or maybe just, are into brevity often. We'll call you. Also, we were doing some research, though, and we found out that you are not the only out there. There are some other things, occupations, people, the share share those initials. And we wanted to ask you about those things and people and a little game that we're calling you down with.
Paul F. Tompkins: You deal with the.
Lindy West: FTC and, you know, meet you down at the. Yeah. You know me.
Unidentified: Come on, come on. It's all about.
Luke Burbank: All right, on to the game. You down with, that weird exercise thing that we had to do in school where you did, like, standing broad jump, and then you ran and picked up the erasers, and they timed you. That was a feat. Did they do that in Philly when you were? They must have.
Paul F. Tompkins: I don't remember that specific thing with the erasers.
Luke Burbank: Oh, you're in Catholic school too, right? Okay, this was a public school thing. It's a PhD. You got an idea?
Paul F. Tompkins: Alana, I know what this is.
Luke Burbank: Okay.
Elena Passarello: What is it?
Paul F. Tompkins: Is it the presidential fitness test? It sure is. Such a weird concept.
Elena Passarello: Yeah.
Luke Burbank: So strange that George H.W. Bush had an interest in how quickly I could do the shuttle run.
Paul F. Tompkins: Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Elena Passarello: Yeah. Do you remember the ambassador that they appointed for the PhD?
Lindy West: Does anybody know it was Arnold Schwarzenegger? Of course. We watched videos of mainly course.
Paul F. Tompkins: The presidential candidates test. We had.
Luke Burbank: That. And then a girl named Alicia Arneson broke both of her wrists doing the shuttle run. Because you run back and forth and pick these things up. She fell backwards and broke both of her wrists. Last time they did a presidential fitness test at the school. Probably ever just, I think from a liability standpoint.
Paul F. Tompkins: Yeah, well, because we should keep the government small, and I don't want them in my school. I don't want the government telling my kids how to break their wrists. That's what I got out of the story.
Luke Burbank: How about a world expert lecture, by the way? A lot of these we made up. So I want to just. I want manager to know. But they might be a thing someday. It's currently maybe not a thing, but potentially a thing. Okay. We cast. It turns out there's not that many things that use. So we had to get creative. And somebody who would be an expert in constructing the coziest and most elaborate citadel in your home, a PhD.
Paul F. Tompkins: Coziest and most elaborate.
Luke Burbank: Coziest and most elaborate is not necessary. Elaborate. A cozy, elaborate kind of hang out area in your home. It's a P and F and then a T, a person who did this a.
Elena Passarello: Well cushion domicile.
Paul F. Tompkins: Yeah. I'm going to say, professor of fuzzy towers.
Luke Burbank: Oh, man, that is so close. It's pillow fort technician.
Paul F. Tompkins: I mean, it's for it. That's cool. Fort technician.
Luke Burbank: How about a world expert lecturer on a particular kind of house plant?
Paul F. Tompkins: Okay.
Luke Burbank: And, pfft, they're a world expert.
Paul F. Tompkins: You've made up money.
Luke Burbank: But not this one.
Paul F. Tompkins: Amazingly well. So it's. What is it?
Luke Burbank: Yeah, it's a it's a world expert list. Somebody who is an expert lecturer on a particular kind of house plant. There are 50.
Paul F. Tompkins: Palm frond. Ted. Talker. Yes! That's.
Luke Burbank: I can't believe you got it.
Unidentified: Wow. Did you make Ted.
Paul F. Tompkins: Talk or one word like I did?
Luke Burbank: We would have also accepted preeminent fakest talker. All right, how about. How about this? This is a real one. An assessment of how well your lungs are working. Pfft.
Paul F. Tompkins: Pulmonary? Yes, five. Gross. No. Pulmonary. No, don't help me. I need to do it. Pulmonary function. Yeah. Thanks.
Luke Burbank: Close enough. We'll give it to you. Pulmonary function test. How about a Jewish holy book with groan inducing wordplay? A a pun filled turf.
Paul F. Tompkins: That's exactly what it is.
Luke Burbank: Wow, that was impressive. Barney. Who sang that? I love you, you love me song. Much to the annoyance of the Parents of America in Ft. Barney was a ft.
Paul F. Tompkins: Purple? Yes. When I let a curse.
Luke Burbank: Sure we can bleep it up. I just realized how much we're teeing you up with the middle letter being F.
Paul F. Tompkins: It's really. Yeah. Yes. Yeah yeah yeah.
Luke Burbank: Who's not who's not real.
Paul F. Tompkins: Purple. Fake T-Rex. Yes. Purple.
Luke Burbank: Fictional. Tyrannosaurus. All right. You have gotten so many more of these right than we were expecting. I mean, there is a 0.0% chance of getting this. You've actually legitimately got like three of us.
Paul F. Tompkins: I mean, they are my initials, and I've been called all of these things.
Luke Burbank: All right. Here's the last one. This is a real thing. A medical treatment often used to address laughter leakage or sneeze pee.
Paul F. Tompkins: Laughter leakage or sneeze pee.
Luke Burbank: Something that can happen to two people. For a variety of reasons.
Paul F. Tompkins: I see somebody whispering. Oh, I don't want that. Pelvic fine tuning. Yeah.
Unidentified: Yes, that's a better name for it.
Luke Burbank: Pelvic floor therapy. Forevermore. Known as pelvic fine tuning.
Unidentified: Paul F Tompkins. The original.
Luke Burbank: That was Paul F Tompkins right here on Live Wire. Make sure you check out his podcasts, The Neighborhood Listen, and also Varia Topia, which are both really great and available wherever you get podcasts. I'm Luke Burbank. That's Alaina Passarelli. We have to take a very quick break, but do not go anywhere because when we return, we will hear some music from the ageless King of Portland soul. You're Earl Thomas and the pain. Stick around for this. It's going to be worth it. Welcome back to Live Wire from. I'm Luke Burbank here with Elaina Passarelli. Oh, okay. Before we get to our musical guests this week, a little preview of what we are doing next week on the show. We're going to talk to Scott Ackerman. He is the guy behind the show Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis. He is going to explain, as if you needed this. Explain to you why it's actually pretty hard to roast President Barack Obama, even when, Barry, as Scott calls him, is in on the joke. Then we're going to talk to astrophysicist, activist and now author Serafina El-badry Nance about her book. It's called starstruck a memoir of Astrophysics and Finding Light in the dark. She talks about being a woman of color in the Stem field, and also how listening to public radio as a kid started her on her scientific journey. We love stories like that here on the show. Also, we're going to hear some music from Portland's own family worship center, which I promise is way less of a cult than it sounds like. So, make sure you join us for that, because of course, we're also going to be looking to get your answer to our listener question. Alana, what do we asking the Live Wire listeners for next week's show?
Elena Passarello: This is a good one. We would like you to describe to us your alter ego.
Luke Burbank: Okay. If you have a thought on that, go ahead and share it with us via social media. We're at Live Wire pretty much everywhere out there. This is Live Wire from our musical guest. This week has a really interesting back story, actually. So let's go back about 20 years. This guy's name is Ural Thomas and he is working in the shipyards of Portland. Okay. But before that, years before that, he had been the lead singer of an R&B vocal group called the Manta Rays, which he had a couple of hit songs. But eventually this guy Earl had decided, you know, I'm going to hang it up as a professional musician. I'm just going to do it sort of as a hobby. That was until 2013, when he is hosting this jam session and a local Portland drummer shows up, a guy named Scott McGee, and he hears this dude, Earl Thomas, singing, and he is like, wait a minute, this is something really special. We need to start a band. And so you're all Thomas and the pain was created. Since that moment, they have now toured the world. They've released three albums, and at the tender age of 84, Europe has arrived at the top of his game. And like, we really mean that. Elayna you and I both just marveling at how spry Earl Thomas is.
Elena Passarello: I felt like he was going to teach an aerobics class for the entire audience.
Luke Burbank: I would have signed up for it. It was amazing and we're so excited you get to hear it now. This is Earl Thomas and the pain performing their song No Distance. This was live at Revolution Hall in Portland, Oregon.
Ural Thomas & The Pain: You can walk down any street.
Paul F. Tompkins: You find a place where the people meet. Stop and look up the block at the corner where we like to die.
Ural Thomas & The Pain: It only takes a minute to find. The bodies push, pushing the same round.
Paul F. Tompkins: So don't put no distance between.
Ural Thomas & The Pain: You and me. Do you need a place.
Paul F. Tompkins: To rest your eyes? Look no further sides. I'm on your side. Take a deep breath. You gonna worry yourself to death. It only takes a minute.
Ural Thomas & The Pain: To find out everybody is pushing the same row. So don't put no.
Paul F. Tompkins: Distance between you.
Ural Thomas & The Pain: Hey, now. Hey! Yeah. I miss. You smile.
Paul F. Tompkins: I'm so happy for you. I walk a hundred miles. I walk a hundred miles for you. Stop and let us hear your words. Get on with your love.
Ural Thomas & The Pain: Like a Thunderbird. I made it to find out.
Paul F. Tompkins: We're all in the same room. Don't put no distance between you.
Ural Thomas & The Pain: No distance. Who's up against? I know.
Paul F. Tompkins: Distance. I like it like that.
Ural Thomas & The Pain: Oh, no. There's the. No, no. Just tell. Yeah. Don't put no.
Paul F. Tompkins: Distance.
Ural Thomas & The Pain: Hey! Rock with a. If you bought a rocket on a. Rock it on home.
Paul F. Tompkins: And remember, you're not alone.
Ural Thomas & The Pain: No. Just. No. Just dance now. Between you and me.
Paul F. Tompkins: Between you and me. No distinct.
Luke Burbank: Livewire. That was Ural Thomas and the pain right here on Live Wire. Make sure you check out their latest album, Dancing Dimensions. And that is going to do it for this week's episode of Live Wire. A huge thanks to our guests, Lindy West, Paul F Tompkins, and Earl Thomas in the pain.
Elena Passarello: Laura Hadden is our executive producer, Heather De Michele is our executive director and our producer and editor is Melanie Sevcenko. Eban Hoffer and Molly Pettit are our technical directors, and our house sound is by Daniel N. Blake. Tre Hester is our assistant editor. Our marketing and production manager is Karen Pan. Rosa Garcia is our operations associate. Jackie Ibarra is our production fellow and Becky Phillips is our intern. Our house band is Ethan Fox Tucker, Sam Tucker, Ayal Alvez, and A Walker Spring who also composes our music. This episode was mixed by Molly Pettit and Tre Hester.
Luke Burbank: Additional funding provided by the Marie Lampe from Charitable Foundation. Live wire was created by Robyn Tenenbaum and Kate Sokoloff. This week we would like to thank members Jamshid Molla of Potomac, Maryland, and Christopher Booter Lai of Portland, Oregon. For more information about our show or how you can listen to our podcast, head on over to Live Wire radio dot org. I'm Luke Burbank for Elaino Passarello and the whole Live Wire team. Thank you for listening and we will see you next week.
— PRX —
